The Hybrid Mom

When I become a mom eleven months ago, I had no idea how many expectations people have of you being either "this kind of mom" or "that kind of mom".  My realization...it's very black and white in the mommy world.
  A lot of the expectations of what I thought I would do as a mother are completely different. I thought I'd be that green mom totally into cloth diapers. After having to watch several videos (really, really I need to watch a video to figure out how to do this??!?!), I decided I could use some of the more environmentally friendly diapers and leave the wet bags and poop dumps to the more adventurous moms. I never thought I would nurse my son past three months, but here I am still nursing at eleven. Thought I would make my own food and I do, but I also buy the pouches and the jars. I think when you say "I will only do this" you are setting yourself up. I try to be that hybrid mom. I nurse but I also give my son bottles of formula when needed. And guess what, the world doesn't go off its axis when I do.
 What I am finding surprising is all the "judginess" out there about the choices you make as a mom. I worked for 25 years and am now a stay at home mom or as all the moms groups give it the acronym SAHM. (and yes at first I had to look up what the hell SAHM was). I am always amazed at how many mothers look at you like, "you stay a home"?!!? What do you do all day?" You're kidding me right? I have had multiple women try to get me to do a home based business, because after all, as a SAHM I must be lonely, sad, bored, desperate to have a "secret shoe/dress/handbag fund" (that must be in the script because no matter what business someone has tried to get me to join, it's to help out my "secret shoe fund". Which, by the way, I don't have.) Not really sure why all these people care, where were you people when I was single and lived alone?!?! Would've saved me a lot of pints of ice cream and going out and spending money on cocktails in clubs if so many people were interested in my life!
 The breastfeeding vs. formula crowd is really contentious. I am just doing what I need to do and I really wish that everyone (and seriously, it's everyone) wouldn't try to debate me on this. Both sides seem to be adamant that they are right....how shocking it must be that I DO BOTH. Something MUST BE WRONG WITH ME! Studies have shown that when a child is five, he/she is not contemplating how his mother fed him and how it affects his/her everyday life.
 Not sure why there is this constant need to define. Why can't we just be a parent or a mom? You have to be "for" or "against" something...attachment parenting, baby wearing, organic feeding, sleep training, etc.
  I think we are all just doing the best we can. We can read all the blogs, magazine articles, forum posts and immerse ourselves in group classes we want, but ultimately you have to just be you and do what works in your life. Maybe because I am an older mom (pregnant at 43 with that "late in life baby" as they used to call it when I was born), but I reached the B---S--- saturation point a long time ago. I love being a mom to my BabyGuy and I just don't really care what other people think of me at this point. And believe me, a lot of people think being a mother of an almost one year old at 45 years old is nuts. Luckily I don't listen to the noise and drama. I really just focus on being the "hybrid mom" (since we need to define) and I pick and choose from the parenting buffet. I may share the things I am doing with you if you ask, but I certainly hope you won't try to push your agenda on me and I won't push mine on you. Life is full of people of varied personalities and I am so glad people have different points of view, so let's let them have theirs and not judge. Variety is the spice of life.

“Confidence... thrives on honesty, on honor, on the sacredness of obligations, on faithful protection and on unselfish performance. Without them it cannot live.”― Franklin D. Roosevelt

I'm A Mama

After being in the weird category of "just a stepmom" for many years,  I'm a mama now. I'm coming out of the fog of the first year and reflecting on what this means.

I'm a mama, I eat toddler tapas all day--bits of cheese, nuggets of either fish or chicken, random puffs and Cheerios as I try to get some housekeeping done while my son is napping. Haute on-the-go mom cuisine!

I'm a mama, I often have bits of the above toddler tapas stuck in my hair or on the bottom of my sock. Many times I have my shirt on inside out and the dry shampoo working it on my lid. I think I have underwear on but I am too tired to look right now.

I'm a mama, I have consumed 5 cups of coffee before 10am and can't understand why I have to hit the bathroom all the time.

I'm a mama, I have to read the same three books all the time---Goodnight Gorilla, Read To Your Bunny, and Bedtime for Maisy because that's what my son wants at home and that's what he inevitably will pull out of the book crate at the library story time. I have a really dramatic performance of Goodnight Gorilla to show you if you're interested as the book only has like 4 words of dialogue in it.

I'm a mama, I am pressured by every mommy blog, women's magazine and daytime talk show to be "killing it", "rocking it", "nailing it" and "owning it like a boss" as a stay at home mom. Remember how our moms just hung out and drank coffee, smoked cigarettes and shooed us out into the connecting backyards of all our neighbors and encouraged us to self-entertain unless we were bleeding from the head injured? What happened?!?! Why is is not enough to take care of your family's little human beings and make sure they don't become little a-holes? It's a lot of work to make a child feel loved, to have them learn empathy and creativity while also reading to them, feeding them, cleaning them, keeping them safe, and giving them intellectual stimulation. Where is this pressure coming from for stay at home moms who willingly left the workforce to do this particular thing we call "parenting" at a level so high that you can't ever rest? If you are staying home to raise children and not simultaneously trying to save the world, running for title of room parent of the year, executing 2-3 home-based businesses and harassing other women to join your "business team", attending every mommy and me children's class possible, and extreme couponing, then you're doing something wrong. It's not enough to be a mother, you have to be a SUPER OVERACHIEVING MOTHER!

I'm a mama, it's the holiday season and I should be ordering my Tiny Prints $800 Christmas card purchase, creating Pinterest-worthy holiday treats, signature cocktails, buying over-priced highly stimulating toys, and throwing some fabulous party....but I am probably just going to be running to Wegman's to pass off their tapas tray as my own to bring to someone else's event.

I'm a mama, I am speed-dating other mothers on playdates to see who I can hang out with that is the most like myself, wondering how I got into this 21st century mothering endurance contest. You can by-pass this by joining a cool mother's group like I did, but you have to wade through a few other mother's groups first to find the "cool" one. (Momtourage, you know you're the cool one.)

I'm a mama, I am getting no sleep, losing my to-do list that I am pretty sure but not positive I made, and trying not to be highly emotional every time I drink red wine. And hoping my husband doesn't think I am insane for trying to coordinate a first birthday party, baby photo shoot, and trying to fit in the wife stuff with the mama stuff. God bless him. He is after all the dada, also known as the vice-president to the mama.

I'm a mama, and I am loving every minute of the "good stuff" that makes all the rest of this insanity worthwhile....the tiny little socks in the wash, the middle of the night cuddles, the soft "hi Mama" I get every morning when my little boy wakes up and sees me, the 1200+ IPhone photos of my BabyGuy, seeing my husband's face on this little baby,  the numerous Facebook posts on his every day antics that get "Likes" thus making me feel like I just won the Academy Award of Facebook Mother's Posts.

I'm a mama, I'm a mama, I'm a mama.  It came late in my life and was a big surprise and miracle. And I can't get imagine not being one.

One of my close friends gave me a beautiful print that I have in my little one's nursery that I look at every night when I put him to sleep. It sums up my feelings on getting though this first year:

"There are lives I can imagine without children

 but none of them have the same laughter and noise."

It's good to be a mama.  And I'm a mama.