I'm A Mama

After being in the weird category of "just a stepmom" for many years,  I'm a mama now. I'm coming out of the fog of the first year and reflecting on what this means.

I'm a mama, I eat toddler tapas all day--bits of cheese, nuggets of either fish or chicken, random puffs and Cheerios as I try to get some housekeeping done while my son is napping. Haute on-the-go mom cuisine!

I'm a mama, I often have bits of the above toddler tapas stuck in my hair or on the bottom of my sock. Many times I have my shirt on inside out and the dry shampoo working it on my lid. I think I have underwear on but I am too tired to look right now.

I'm a mama, I have consumed 5 cups of coffee before 10am and can't understand why I have to hit the bathroom all the time.

I'm a mama, I have to read the same three books all the time---Goodnight Gorilla, Read To Your Bunny, and Bedtime for Maisy because that's what my son wants at home and that's what he inevitably will pull out of the book crate at the library story time. I have a really dramatic performance of Goodnight Gorilla to show you if you're interested as the book only has like 4 words of dialogue in it.

I'm a mama, I am pressured by every mommy blog, women's magazine and daytime talk show to be "killing it", "rocking it", "nailing it" and "owning it like a boss" as a stay at home mom. Remember how our moms just hung out and drank coffee, smoked cigarettes and shooed us out into the connecting backyards of all our neighbors and encouraged us to self-entertain unless we were bleeding from the head injured? What happened?!?! Why is is not enough to take care of your family's little human beings and make sure they don't become little a-holes? It's a lot of work to make a child feel loved, to have them learn empathy and creativity while also reading to them, feeding them, cleaning them, keeping them safe, and giving them intellectual stimulation. Where is this pressure coming from for stay at home moms who willingly left the workforce to do this particular thing we call "parenting" at a level so high that you can't ever rest? If you are staying home to raise children and not simultaneously trying to save the world, running for title of room parent of the year, executing 2-3 home-based businesses and harassing other women to join your "business team", attending every mommy and me children's class possible, and extreme couponing, then you're doing something wrong. It's not enough to be a mother, you have to be a SUPER OVERACHIEVING MOTHER!

I'm a mama, it's the holiday season and I should be ordering my Tiny Prints $800 Christmas card purchase, creating Pinterest-worthy holiday treats, signature cocktails, buying over-priced highly stimulating toys, and throwing some fabulous party....but I am probably just going to be running to Wegman's to pass off their tapas tray as my own to bring to someone else's event.

I'm a mama, I am speed-dating other mothers on playdates to see who I can hang out with that is the most like myself, wondering how I got into this 21st century mothering endurance contest. You can by-pass this by joining a cool mother's group like I did, but you have to wade through a few other mother's groups first to find the "cool" one. (Momtourage, you know you're the cool one.)

I'm a mama, I am getting no sleep, losing my to-do list that I am pretty sure but not positive I made, and trying not to be highly emotional every time I drink red wine. And hoping my husband doesn't think I am insane for trying to coordinate a first birthday party, baby photo shoot, and trying to fit in the wife stuff with the mama stuff. God bless him. He is after all the dada, also known as the vice-president to the mama.

I'm a mama, and I am loving every minute of the "good stuff" that makes all the rest of this insanity worthwhile....the tiny little socks in the wash, the middle of the night cuddles, the soft "hi Mama" I get every morning when my little boy wakes up and sees me, the 1200+ IPhone photos of my BabyGuy, seeing my husband's face on this little baby,  the numerous Facebook posts on his every day antics that get "Likes" thus making me feel like I just won the Academy Award of Facebook Mother's Posts.

I'm a mama, I'm a mama, I'm a mama.  It came late in my life and was a big surprise and miracle. And I can't get imagine not being one.

One of my close friends gave me a beautiful print that I have in my little one's nursery that I look at every night when I put him to sleep. It sums up my feelings on getting though this first year:

"There are lives I can imagine without children

 but none of them have the same laughter and noise."

It's good to be a mama.  And I'm a mama.