Mindfulness (or lack thereof), Christmas Rush and the Elf

Being mindful is not the easiest task when you are a mom, especially when you are new in the role. A lot of talk went on this summer over the Georgia father who left his child in the hot car to die. Numerous mommy blogs then kept popping up with moms confessing to accidentally leaving their child in the car, at the store, lost in the mall, and sharing their guilt. I personally don't feel that moms should be put on the spot about this and feel horrible that it became a news story that then morphed into a whole zeitgeist about lack of mindfulness in parents. This man hurt his child purposefully and moms and dads who have a momentary lapse due to exhaustion, lack of mindfulness and the general chaos of being a parent, shouldn't feel like they should be sharing their guilt and self-punishing, because the way he did it was by leaving his child in the car.

 I think its hard to be a mindful parent in a society that values multi-tasking. Its very hard to do anything with 100% focus and accuracy when the pressure to be doing many things at once is put on parents. When mothers say they are a "stay at home" mom, the question they usually get is, "how do you fill all that time?".... which of course leaves us SAHM scratching our heads. TIME? WHAT TIME? You mean in between getting household and "life" things done all day, helping out doing things for the hubby that he can't do because he's working, trying to figure out how to do the same things you used to do but without mom's income, and taking care of one or numerous little humans there should be some time left over. Really? REALLY? Such a premium is put on how much you can accomplish during the course of the day and social media means we can see how successful everyone else is at it compared to ourselves. And working moms don't have a minute to themselves and start their day at home after their work day, how can you do it all? You can't.

The holiday season is the prime time of year for burnout and lack of mindfulness for everyone, not just moms. The rushing around to get things "perfect" can make you crazy. But ever since motherhood became this all-consuming, all encompassing role of epic proportions, there seems to be no room for error. You have to NAIL IT or we get critical of ourselves. The perfect and clever family portrait on the ridiculously over-priced cards (Yes Tiny Prints, I am calling you out!), the Facebook photos of all the fabulous holiday activities like tree trimming, breakfast with Santa, caroling, and the whole checklist of things you should be doing can make you feel bad if you're not keeping up. This is the "keeping score" that wears on people and is not what this time of year is supposed to be all about. Eventually, all this pressure can start making people mean-spirited and jaded about the Christmas season. This makes me sad.

A lot of people out there are trying so hard to be snarky and clever to deflect this pressure. In the process, we are losing the real meaning of the season, which is to enjoy the family and friends around them and the fun you can have with all the Christmas traditions.

 In particular, people seem to be taking out their frustration on the Elf on the Shelf. This poor guy, he's just trying to give kids a little fun before the big day and to keep them behaving for mom and dad. But since the vignettes started popping up on social media of all the fun and exciting things that some crafty parents set up, the average parent who just moves him or her around the room now feel like they aren't trying hard enough. Now people want to strangle him. It's an ELF people. This is supposed to be FUN! WHAT HAPPENED TO MAKING THINGS FUN!?!? Even if you just phone it in and move the elf from the kitchen counter to the dining room table, the kids find it FUN and you will not be graded on how original your move is. Fun really is under appreciated. But to your kid, fun is everything.

 I think Christmas is a lot more fun when it's not perfect. The stories of the the tree toppling over, the photos of our little ones hysterically crying on Santa's lap, the newborn Pinterest fail portrait where the baby in the Christmas sleigh looks like a crime scene...that's the classic fun of Christmas. There's a whole book of Awkward Family Photos devoted to the holidays and there's a reason...it's funny and fun! I'm so happy to share the traditions of Christmas (which is what we celebrate, and I wish happy Chanukah and Kwanzaa to my friends who celebrate that and I will not genericize it with just the word "holiday") with my little boy. I want him to revel in the joy and wonder of the season and not stress and fret about everything being just so. I want this time of year to be about loving the people around us, celebrating that life is good, and also remembering to reach out to those that are having a tough time. There is enough time the rest of the year to search for perfection and to try to compare yourself.

I want to keep my Christmas purely fun from here on in. I did all my shopping online and am done with the commercial stuff. Even a sick kid can't derail things as I definitely just want to spend time with him, even if it's just rocking him in comfort. I want the next three weeks to be about enjoying each new festive thing my son does and remembering what it's like to be kid again. Our family is just going to do what works for us and not keep score of what everyone else is doing. I want to socialize, laugh, love, and be immersed in the spirit of things. The theme for my holiday this year is humor and finding the smiles that somehow have gotten lost in the shuffle. I'm going to be the nut job wearing the Santa hat, singing carols in the grocery store, and smiling like I am getting paid to do it. I am truly just going to enjoy things this year. I owe it to myself, my family.... and to the elf.