Don't Take Facebook Personally...Really

 Facebook has become the yardstick of how people compare themselves. There was a parenting blog that was asking what people thought of posting photos of your kids with their pile of Christmas presents they were opening. Some voted obnoxious, others said who cares, and yet others found it insulting and upsetting to those who couldn't provide as much for their own children. Most of the responders were very upset with the braggery. Why do we always feel like someone's good fortune is our misfortune?
    I think you can compare anything someone posts on Facebook and make it personal to you.... but it's not. When you don't have a job, it seems like everyone is posting about their fantastic totally fulfilling and awesome career. When you don't have kids, everyone is posting poems about "how amazing it is to be the mother of a daughter" and the like. (I definitely felt sensitive to this before I had a baby.) When you can't afford the nicer things in life, you get slammed with people's photos of their "once in a lifetime cruise" or their "totally amazing trip to Atlantis". It's hard to keep perspective.
    But listen people, especially those in the parenting race, IT'S REALLY NOT ABOUT YOU. People are not posting as a personal affront to your lifestyle. As a new parent, I found myself really vulnerable and second-guessing myself. That is not a good moment to go on Facebook or any social media. There's a lot of bragging and a lot of "show me yours, 'cause mine is the BEST!" Christmas is the worst time to feel a little less than. When you look on social media, you are convinced that everyone has bought the most fabulous presents (with no regard to money or being in debt in January), is going on the most incredible holiday getaway to some warm island, that their children have the perfect outfits and are well behaved but the reality is this....no one likes to put the ordinary moments on FB. There are no poop blowouts, boogie noses, meltdowns in the Target checkout aisle, surly in-laws and siblings, travel disasters, epic arguments, and vacation failures in photographic form. People want to show their good side and I think we forget to keep it in mind. It's like staging a house, you're showing the good stuff, not the everyday nuttiness.
 It's time to take a step back and remember that social media is "social" and it's a way of just showing your far-away relatives what your kiddos look like. Or finding your long-lost grade school buddy. Maybe it's sharing a joke, funny or self-deprecating. Or connecting with people because you are a stay at home mom and it's cold outside and you just cannot bear to leave the house even though you are dying to talk to someone.  When you feel frumpy, you don't look at Vogue and wallow in it, right? The good thing about Facebook and other media is that you can always block people who make you feel bad. Or keep things private that only your besties can see. You can connect without letting in the things that get you down, because let's face it, for every braggart there's also a "Debbie Downer" whose posts make you want to throw back a pint of vodka and put your head under the covers after reading.
    And this time of year, even though many people are counting their blessings, there are also people who are having a tough time in either their personal or professional lives and feel like its magnified. Whatever side you are on, remember that social media can be manipulated to be whatever you want it to be. Use whatever you need to feel validated or to feel protected from it all. Don't ask for advice if you don't want it, don't open yourself up to criticism by asking for feedback you don't want to hear and don't "selfie" yourself if you are not feeling your best. Use your head not your heart. And remember to put it all into perspective. It's not personal, it's just Facebook....and you can always turn the computer off and just enjoy the silent night.