We Don't Like Planks or Pranks

Today’s morning car discussion (from July 16th):
We are listening to Z-100 and the phone tap comes on. He’s listening and it’s a girl pranking her dad. Pretends the school is calling and she’s flunking out and skipping school. Nicholas is listening to the whole thing very intently. He keeps sighing and mumbling to himself.

Nicholas: Mommy what IS THIS that is happening? Why is everyone yelling? 

Mommy: well, it’s a called a phone tap and they are playing a prank on someone. 

Nicholas: I don’t know what a plank is but it’s not good! Everyone is mad!

Mommy: it’s a prank not a plank, and it is a trick they are playing on someone. At the end they tell them it’s a trick. 

Nicholas: this is the worst thing ever! I don’t ever want you to play a trick like this on me. I know you want to mommy, but if you do I’ll call Papa and tell him to put you on a getting grounded. You’re a stinker, and you think this is funny. You’re nuts! 

Mommy: wow you really have strong feelings about this! This is adult humor, usually they have songs on here.sorry.

Nicholas: I don’t like this and it’s not nice. You better tell them we like the Jonas Brothers better than this crap!

Guess I need to monitor the Satellite radio more closely. He doesn’t like this crap. 😳
Note to all, please do not play a “plank” on my son.

I guess it always takes a child to point out the obvious. Some things that should be funny these days just aren't. And not because there isn't some humor in a prank. I think right now with a contentious political climate in this country and people always being black and white, offended or not offended, maybe humor like this isn't great in this season of discontent. Maybe there's something bigger to laugh at that isn't as mean-spirited as our general vibe in the US. In any case, not everyone thinks a "plank" is that funny to begin with. Glad my son can figure these things out for himself!

Daily Conversations With A Kiddo

A friend who doesn't have kids asked me what you talk about with a kid all day. Here is an example, this was just this morning between 8 and 9 am. This is pretty much how it goes all day long.

N: Why do you call me kiddo? Im just a kid.

Mama: Well, my first grade teacher Mrs.Heckendorf always called us kiddos and so did my third grade teacher Mrs. Losee. I think that was the cool word back then.

N: That must’ve been a long time ago mama, I never hear that word again except when you say it. Was it like an old people word?

Mama: No! It was the 1970s and it was a cool word.

N: 1970s? Thats when it was all Panic in the Disco right?

Mama: It was just disco, Panic in the Disco is the band you like that sings High Hopes.

N: Oh that’s a good one. And he likes to sing with Taylor Swift, Me-ee-ee! She’s a girl singer. She's a girl.

Mama: Yes, I love that song.

N: That’s the one with the umbrellas and dancing.

Mama: Yes, what other songs do you like?

N: I like Gonna Take My Horse to the Old Town Road. 

Mama: Oh yes, I like that one too.

N: Also Pour Some Sugar on Me and Detroit Rock City.
(Pause)

N: Columbus Bue Jackets. Where is that?

Mama: That’s in Ohio.

N: Have you been there? What about St. Louis Blues? Id like to go there. It looks beautiful and it has a big arch and they watch hockey outside.

Mama: Haven't been to either place

N: Mama, what are we even talking about, I forget.

That last sentence says it all. If you know me well, then he is exactly the same. Lots of talking. Not really sure what we are talking about half the time but I love that he wants to talk to me.

Talking About Life Decisions With A 5 Year Old

Discussing Rob Gronkowski with a 5 year old.....

5yr Old: I think Gronk is the best player on the Patriots.

Mama: Well Nicholas he is not coming back, he retired.

5yr old: Oh then he can spend time with his baby.

Mama: He doesn’t have a baby yet.

5yr old: What’s he going to do? Get a new

job?

Mama: Yes Nicholas he’s already done some acting and he probably has his own company.

5yr old: Oh he should really just get married and have a baby. But maybe he’s still thinking. He should think about who he marries then have a baby.

Mama: I hope you do lots of thinking about who you marry. But not now, a log time from now.

5yr old: (Laughs like crazy)

Mama, she’s got to like sports and legos and my house.

Mama: Our house now or the one you’re going to buy?

5yr old: Oh the one I’m going to buy. It’s going to be huge!

Mama: Wow! Are you going to buy it yourself or with the girl you marry? 

5yr old: Well, I’ll still be thinking. So first I go buy a house. Then I get married.  (Pause)She better want 13 kids.

Mama: 13 kids?!?

5yr old: Yes mommy, if I have a house that big, I’m gonna have 13 kids because that’s fun. And then they all fill the house. 

My girl will have her own room

Because she has 13 kids and she’ll be tired. And she’ll want to sit by herself after all the sports and the legos. And I’ll make her dinner.

I hope Gronk knows how to do all that. I already know and I’m 5 1/2!

The kid will probably end up making better decisions than Gronk.

Because You Can

So I write a lot and about 90% I don't share and about 10% I do. Today I was just having those thoughts I wanted to share. I've spent a good amount of time working on my interior dialogue and who I want to be as a person. I think I'm right where I need to be with myself and being comfortable in my own skin. (but as always, I am open for room to improve when I can) Once you get to that point, I think it's important to share what you can with the world. There's a lot of narcissism and bullying and whatnot on social media as well is in real life. I challenge us all to be different. Be the person who lends a helping hand. Set aside judgement and be a listener to someone who needs it. Go the extra mile and don't ask for credit for it or accolades. Just be a good human.

 Because you can. 

Ask someone what you can do to help. Be there for someone without them having to ask. Step up to the plate, be willing, be open, stand up for someone, quietly support a struggle, just BE THERE AND BE A REAL HUMAN UNDERSTANDING PERSON. Encourage someone to say their truth out loud and then stand back and embrace it without judgement or criticism, just support. Drive that person to the airport who needs a ride. Take someone's child for the day to give them a little break. Bake it, make it, buy it, bring it to someone who absolutely needs it and is unable to reach out and tell you they are in need. Make an extra trip, go out of your way, take on an another task because someone's life is made better by you doing so. Life is hard, motherhood is hard, parenting is hard, work is hard, adult-ing is hard, human-ing is hard. Be that person who makes it easy. Because life can also be great.

Because you can.

***Feel free to share this. But in this case make sure you give me the credit. I am a writer after all. 

Parents trying to write a parenting blog

So I took an unwitting hiatus from blog writing. Why? Well I have a very energetic and talkative five year old. This would not be a problem but I am a very energetic and talkative forty-nine year old. It's like having two monkeys bouncing off the walls and making merry together.

The thing about being a parent writing a parenting blog is....well, you're busy being a parent. I also do not work outside the house so my energy gets sucked into this vortex of shenanigans that is also labeled "stay at home parenting". But here you go, no more excuses. One of my thoughts for this year was that as writer I have been busy being a parent and forgot that I was a writer. Now it's time to...wait for it...do both. And it's not a parenting blog anymore, I think it's just a busy life blog, something we can all relate to.

Here's a typical dinnertime exchange between me and the five year old force of nature:

Last night's dinner stream of consciousness. It was just he and I chatting. (I've started writing these down as we go.)

Nicholas: Scuba divers!!!!

Me: What about scuba divers? What made you think of scuba divers?

Nicholas: Listen Mama. Scuba divers don’t get water in their masks. They can keep their breath working. I’d like to do that. And wrestle a bear.

(pauses to eat some of his food)

You know, you could be a chef. You can cook and do your own restaurant because you’re an adult grownup person. You can wear the chef hat.

Me: I don't really want to own a restaurant. Do you?

Nicholas: I don't want to own a restaurant. I can't wear the Hat! Duh. I am not a grownup person. Aren't you listening!??! 

(takes a few more bites)

How come sometimes when you make me Mac and cheese the cheese gets crispy. I don't like that most of the time. But today I did. I like when you kill the cheese on top. I love corn on the cob! Do monsters eat corn on the cob? I bet they burp when they do. Go look that up for me. (waves me off)

The Bewitching Hour

Hey Mamas, it's that time of day again.

Some of us have been chasing the day to get to right now. Some of us have been so busy having fun that it seems too early to end the day. And some of us just throw our hands up as today is just like every other day at this time...a challenge.

 Some people call it the "witching hour". (When I was single, I called this time "disco nap happy hour". Boy times have changed!) When you are a mama, whether it be to one baby or many, this is the time of day that can go either way, good or bad, very quickly.

Now that my son is not a tiny baby, I try to take this time and turn it into the "bewitching hour". I want this time of dinner, bath, and bedtime to be a precious time. When your kids are very little (mine is 19 months old now), it seems like the day was a marathon and this is right when you exhaustively cross the finish line. The days are long but the years are short. We've got this mamas. It can be a long day as a mom. As a stay at home mom, it's a 12 hour work day that has come to a close. As a working mom, you are just getting home and have a host of jobs still left to do for your little ones. As a single mom, you know there is no one to hand that little one over to for a few minutes, it's all on you. We all wish we had a moment to just BE.

 But I think we can just BE, with our little ones. My son is ON THE MOVE now, all day long. I take this time and turn it in to cuddle time and kisses time, a time filled with twilight and moonlight and magic. It can be very easy to forget that this time is fleeting and that in a few months, in a year, in 5 years, there will be no cuddling with this little one or ones in this way. They will be busy growing up, growing independent, growing away. When it seems like your child is a koala bear, attached to you at ALL TIMES, remember sooner rather than later, they won't want to be held or cuddled or kissed. They are going to want to be a big boy or girl. And that this moment, no matter how today went, is a gift.

It's ok, Mamas, we've got this. We can find a way to just take a moment to savor these wee ones, to find that pause in a hectic day. We can take this "bewitching hour" and let it cast its spell on us. We are all trying to do the best we can, juggling our obligations, tending to our marriage and relationships, and finding the balance in a very off-balance season of our lives. We are ok. Some days we are just managing. Some days we are exceeding expectations. And some days, we just get into bed as fast as we can and hit reset for tomorrow morning. But we are all ok.

Mamas, let's try to pat ourselves on the back and give ourselves some credit. Managing the lives of PEOPLE is not easy. We are the human resource department of our families. We carry the burden of integrating personalities with schedules, plans, events, activities and emotions at play. We have the demands of other people, of jobs, of financial restrictions and of our physical location to consider when planning our days.

Let's try to savor this moment, to either laugh or cry about, to either embrace or run from, to FEEL or to IGNORE without judgement. Let's acknowledge that it's a hard job raising human beings who feel and love and cry and rage. It's our time of day to take the "just" out of "Just a stay at home mom", "Just a working mom", "Just a single mom" when we describe ourselves. It's our time to embrace the "Bewitching Hour" in all its glory and make it our own.

Tonight, Friday night, I am taking the time to touch little fingers and toes, to make my little one giggle so I can giggle too, to honor the mother-child bond and to remember that the moments in the day that are hard are the contrast of how easy it is to just love my child. I've got this... and you do too.

“Children are not a distraction from more important work. They are the most important work.”

"Today was one of those days. Teething baby up all night so he woke up a crabby toddler, very clingy, very sad for being so tired. We didn't get to go to a play date. We didn't get to leave the house. But we did get to cuddle, which I hear is a commodity that dries up sooner than you think. We got to laugh a lot and play with some of the favorite toys, read the favorite books. We did what it took to make us both feel better. The day didn't go according to plans. But that is usually the day I know the little fella needs me the most."

 This was my Facebook post a couple weeks ago.

Does this sound like you? More often than not, it happens. You don't have it all working well. Nothing goes right. You are NOT in control. The pieces don't all fit and everything does not get done. But guess what mamas, it's ok. This constant striving to keep it all together can be exhausting. Taking these moments and turning them into mama gold is the challenge. When you can't get out of your own way, stay home. I don't believe in being that mama who is telling her wee one to "hurry up".  I remind myself in these situations that we are not performing brain surgery. No one's life is on the line if we don't show up to that play date, class or other engagement because the day isn't working. Sometimes you know it by 7am. Other days it creeps in on you all day long in series of falling dominoes of everyday life with a baby, toddler or preschooler. Those are the days you realize too late that you should've thrown the towel in. Quitting is not for losers, quitting sometimes is for those who realize it's not working, it'll get worse, and our little ones can't always vocalize their feelings in time.

If we are feeling overwhelmed, imagine how much worse it is for our child when things are flopping. It can be the time where you turn around, take them out of the car seat, go back into the house and take a stack of books and sit quietly to read with your child. Or where you take the detour from where you were supposed to go and do something different like swing on a swing in a quiet park. You step away from the art project that is not going well or that your child is just not feeling. Or maybe just give hugs, lots and lots of hugs to our little one. The modern culture is full of people suffering anxiety. I think there's so much pressure of failing or not living up to expectations put onto us and our children. They learn from us at a young age that things "have to get done", "we have to succeed" "we need to go NOW!"

  What we don't teach our kids or remind ourselves, is that a failure is a learning opportunity and that when things don't work, be ok with a Plan B or Plan C. Instead of rushing into that doctor/dentist/haircut appointment late, call and cancel and regroup. No one will be crushed if you do so. You might just save the day by turning back and holding your little one's hand and saying "let's slow down" instead of screaming "hurry up!"  We're not always going to be in this season of our lives and things will evolve. It's ok mamas, we got this.


“Children are not a distraction from more important work. They are the most important work.”
-CS Lewis